17 March 2010

Run Away

Our beloved cat Reaper, escaped last night.  The little bugger.  This is his 3rd escape attempt, the last two times he has been caught by Wolf, but last night he had evil intent.

The first time he busted out of the cat bathroom (our tiny half bathroom) through the itty-bitty window.  Wolf was up and heard him thump on the ground.  (How he ever got his huge butt through there I'll never really know.) The second time he looked right at me as Wolf was looking out into the nite and darted out the door, fortunately Wolf caught him again.

But this time it was all MY fault.  It was really.  I had just given Remmy a bath and a hair cut. (think of washing your demented grandfather and then giving him a hair cut where he shivers and shakes repeatedly throughout the whole process - that's pretty much what it's like to trim Remmy) Which I do myself because we live in the middle of no-where land and I'm simply not paying $40 for someone to cut my poodle's hair.

Hell, I wont even pay that much to have MY hair cut.

So, after I chopped Remmy's hair down to nothing cut Remmy's hair, I set him down and grabbed the hairy towel that he was sitting on to shake it off outside.   However, I didn't shut the door behind be firmly.  By firmly I mean slam the everloving bejezus out of it.

Which left Reaper the perfect opportunity for silent escape.  All, 'I'll just slip out the door and she'll never notice...'  Sheesh, if he would have wanted to get out that bad, I would have let him out.  He didn't have to go all Animal Farm on me.  He did have the perfect opportunity.  Especially since I am usually hanging out at the other end of the house on the computer, when I'm not tearing up and cursing at the earth outside.

Then Wolf came home, which is when I feed Reaper.  He is usually meowing like I actively starve him for food at least 30 minutes before Wolf ever sets foot in the door.  I always cave and feed his lard-butt early....seriously, he weighs 15 pounds...he is ENORMOUS...  But he didn't come. He didn't meow. He didn't reappear.  And it was dark outside.

Have you ever tried to find a BLACK cat in the dead of night? Yeah, IMPOSSIBLE.

That's when Wolf discovered the ajar door.  Well, hello horrific thoughts and countless what-ifs.  A handful of pessimistic morbid thoughts immediately  ran through my brain...

What if a coyote gets him?  What if he runs to the road?  What if someone picks him up?  What if he goes next door to the 40 pigs? Poor guy...I mistakenly had him de-clawed (I'll never put another cat through and thankfully neutered.  I was slap eat up with guilt.  I love this black lardo cat to bits.  I just couldn't bear the thought of ME being the introducer of death, loneliness, and starvation for him.

As I tried to put the whole thing behind me, Wolf and I did dishes sans dishwasher, which I miss terribly, made delicious Pizza (thanks Pioneer Woman!!!) and watched Animal Farm. snort Which sadly turned out to be odd, seeing how our Reaper had rebelled and run out the door and strange because it was highly reminiscent of Nazism.  Disturbing.

After the movie and devouring pizza (motzerella, feta, spinach, katamala olives and bears oh my! - it is always delicious), we headed to bed at 4am and Wolf opened the door one last time to call for Reaper.  And in walked the black devil himself....the little bastard.

I was relieved he was alive. I hugged him and kissed him and fed him.

Then I locked him in the VERY secure cat bathroom for the night.

I don't think he minded ....much....